Saturday, September 29, 2012

Chase's Surprise Party

So incredibly thankful for everybody who helped me plan the surprise and came to the party! It is such a joy to see the body of Christ serve each other. And my dear Chase, what a blessing it is to serve, love, and care for you. So thankful for the opportunity to learn to love and serve you better, we are so undeserving of the gift that has been given to us, but these words about you remain so true.

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

A Heavenly Whisper

I heard her sweet voice, her gentle, soft, loving voice. She reached out to talk to me, to whisper and to yell, words of Truth, of Wisdom I never knew a tiny child could whisper. She was older, probably two years old, healthy but sitting in that precious carseat she spent so much time in. The sound of her voice brought comfort, peace, and a rush of emotions I was not ready to bear with. I knew she had died, but I knew she was alive. Somehow, the fact she was alive again didn't confuse me. It was as if I had been given the opportunity to enter into Heaven again, but then again we were here on earth. Heaven and earth had collided. What I once knew was not what I knew, and what I never knew was what I knew. Nobody else heard her precious whispering voice, but I screamed, I yelled, "YALL ELLA GRACE IS TALKING!!!!" Everybody got quiet and Jasmine said, "this little girl will change the world with that heavenly voice of hers."  I can't imagine a more truthful statement. A perfect reflection of the rapid movement of my heart. Incredibly sanctifying to know she is living and fulfilling the call of God on her life, in Heaven.

The nightmares still come. They still taunt me in my daydreaming, reminding me the possibility of Ella Grace being alive again is impossible. And although this is not a possibility, I will not, and cannot let this convince me the Lord did not allow me to have that dream of her. And with a triumphant voice, I say, O Lord, my heart is not lifted up; my eyes are not raised too high; I do not occupy myself with things too great and too marvelous for me. But I have calmed and quieted my soul, like a weaned child with its mother, like a weaned child is my soul within me (Psalm 131). And to the praiseworthy God, I offer again my soul's love and desire, to worship Him for eternity, with the same Heavenly voice given to my adored daughter, Ella Grace.

Loving His tender hands enveloping hers,

“Son,'he said,' ye cannot in your present state understand eternity...That is what mortals misunderstand. They say of some temporal suffering, "No future bliss can make up for it," not knowing that Heaven, once attained, will work backwards and turn even that agony into a glory. And of some sinful pleasure they say "Let me have but this and I'll take the consequences": little dreaming how damnation will spread back and back into their past and contaminate the pleasure of the sin. Both processes begin even before death. The good man's past begins to change so that his forgiven sins and remembered sorrows take on the quality of Heaven: the bad man's past already conforms to his badness and is filled only with dreariness. And that is why...the Blessed will say "We have never lived anywhere except in Heaven, : and the Lost, "We were always in Hell." And both will speak truly.” C.S. Lewis The Great Divorce

Monday, September 17, 2012

We are beggars this is true.

We are beggars this is true.

We are beggars upon the grace filled wine that brought the redemption of our souls the sanctification of ourselves, and the ability to unite with a Holy Righteous, perfect Father.

We are helpless, worthless, sinners, riding upon the mercy of a justifiably wrathful God, who gives and takes away.

We are nothing more then a bunch of spineless robots following the temptations and ways of the world into a deep pit.

We are unrighteous orphans begging with the scarred palms of our hands for the priceless gift of Love.

We are dried up, broken down, bones, spread before our worthless idols, desiring death instead of life (Jeremiah 8).

We are prostitutes selling our evil bodies to the sins that bind us and chain us to the very bed of lies we desire to escape (Ezekiel 16).

We are hypocrites, longing for the momentarily satisfying, when we have been offered the Eternally Satisfying.

We are liars, promising a Truth we don't live out.

We are drunkards, chugging the bitter, deadly water that flows from the mouth of Satan.

We are lost, every one of us, sliding down the slippery pit, feeling the hands of those desiring to pull us with them.

We fall short of His glory, time and time again.

We are undeserving of this Heavenly gift, we call Jesus Christ.

However, He is freely given to us. Given that we may find life, and live it abundantly, to the tune of his glorious grace.

We are redeemed.

We are free.

We are Loved.

And we stand upon a Rock that is higher then us, we long to be this High for we know it is much easier to pull people up to stand on the rock with you then it is to pull them up from the pit.

We are beggars this is true.
We are Princes and princesses this is true.