Friday, June 29, 2012

Reality never repeats

Reality never repeats.

There are desires in my heart once awakened and no longer fulfilled. There are desires in my heart which showed me true love once, and now have proved to be utter devastation. There are desires in my heart which I feel shall never again be awakened although I long with an anxious heart to feel them again.

Is it normal for motherhood to be awakened at 21 years old by a child who does not look like you but is supernaturally as much a part of you as a child in formed in your womb would be, and to have it seemingly stolen from you after 6 short weeks by a supposedly "loving Father?" absolutely not.

Reality was, and is, and yet will never again be. Reality now seems to live only in the increasingly faint memory of my child. Reality is no longer felt only remembered, no longer near only distant. Reality has become a faint whisper of the past, a blaring reminder of a love lost in time. This present reality is not truly reality, but then again neither was that past reality truly Reality. For eternal life alone is True Reality. So then what was that? And what is this? And why do we live in this "fake reality"? Reality in its most complicated sketch of the coming reality is still not even a glimpse of that True Reality. Reality is Love and yet love is not reality, yet love is a glimpse of Reality. True Reality we long for, and fake reality we settle for. Reality was, and is, and yet will never be again. Reality hung upon a cross for us, yet death is reality to us. Death is not what True Reality desired for us, yet death is an outcome of this fake reality. And even yet death is more of a reality then we can ever imagine it would be. True Reality brings an unimaginable reality to our souls, yet we are not allowed even a hint to what this True Reality is. Love as presented by True Reality is indeed a glimpse of Reality that is to come. Our souls long for True Reality, yet our flesh settles for false reality. We live upon the passing sands of false reality. We crave the desires of false reality, and satisfy those desires by waking day after day in this false reality instead of realizing we already reside in True Reality. If indeed we found ourselves waking in True Reality day after day, we would also find ourselves not satisfying the desires of this false reality our flesh lives in. The future True Reality would become our current True Reality and the reality of the past would no longer cut through our souls like a lion rips through the flesh of his prey. But then we would feel the thorn that stings every moment we remember our flesh still abides in this false reality while our soul savors the True Reality that it abides completely in True Reality. Reality was, and is, and yet will never be again. Reality was hell, and is hell, and will always be hell. True Reality was Heaven, and is Heaven, and will always be Heaven. Reality was eternal separation, and is eternal separation, and will always be eternal separation. True Reality is eternal Love by our Father, and was eternal Love by our Father, and will always be eternal Love by our Father. Reality is Satan comes to lie, cheat, and steal. True Reality is Jesus Christ came to die, rescue, and restore.

And still I hear the whispering lies of the reality I long to depart from and yet am chained to.

Reality is she will never come back.
True Reality is, I should not wish her to come back.
Reality is, I do wish for her back.

Reality is I will never hold her again.
True Reality is I can't long for True Reality if all I want is reality to come again.
Reality is, I do long for True Reality as a means for reality to come again.

Reality is the faintest memory of a child resting perfectly on my chest.
True Reality is that love was a glimpse into the coming Reality.
Reality is, I long for the love, True Reality is I long for The Love of all Loves-Jesus Christ.

Reality is a desire to escape into a false world of coma-like dreams, as an escape from this awful reality.
True Reality is the escape provided for us in every real temptation in this fake reality.
Reality is repeatedly entering this coma-like state because I have failed to recognize my eternal existence in True Reality.

Reality was, and is, and yet will never again be.

For Reality, even True Reality never repeats. We cannot imagine True Reality from the point of our earthly eyes, because we may then by mistake place earthly realities in the coming True Reality. Reality never repeats.

For the present form of this world is passing away. 1 Corinthians 7:31

And the world is passing away along with its desires, but whoever does the will of God abides forever. 1 John 2:17

Friday, June 22, 2012

I pray for you,

“I pray for you, that all your misgivings will be melted to thanksgivings. Remember that the shadow a thing casts often far exceeds the size of the thing itself (especially if the light be low on the horizon) and though some future fear may strut brave darkness as you approach, the thing itself will be but a speck when seen from beyond. Oh that He would restore us often with that 'aspect from beyond,' to see a thing as He sees it, 
to remember that He dealeth with us as with sons.” 
-Jim Elliot

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

A healing soul, a lost heart, a wicked mind.

A healing soul, a lost heart, a wicked mind.

This is the truth: The temptation upon my heart soul and mind has not left since Ella Grace left this world. In fact in this time of healing I have been more tempted then ever to doubt the Lord's existence, to question His sovereignty, and to angrily yell at Him in His distantness. Despite my unfaithfulness to Him, and knowing His promises will forever stand true, He has continued to present me with opportunities for obedience:

Here I am safe in Colorado working at a little dude ranch called the Home Ranch. Kayla felt the Lord calling us to come out here in faith that He would provide a job if we stepped out in obedience to Him. She knew there were people out here that needed to hear the Gospel. In my selfishness, my lost mind, and my confused heart I told her I honestly didn't care what we did that I would go with whatever the Lord was calling us to do through her. I couldn't understand His calling in my weak mind. I couldn't understand that He wanted me to move to a new place away from family and friends to live and work among unbelievers. I couldn't understand why He would call me all the way out to Colorado to work for the summer, yet Kayla knew and Kayla heard His voice. So we came to Clark, Colorado (just outside of Steamboat Springs). We arrived and the following day went to the ranch to seemingly "beg" them to give us a job. We had no idea what they would say but prayed all the way to the ranch that if that was where the Lord wanted us then He would provide a job for us there. We met Johnny the boss of the ranch and he told us he was "pleasantly surprised" to see us and that he would love for us to come back that afternoon. The rest of the morning we went to town to run errands and see Steamboat! Then we prayerfully went back to the ranch to see what Johnny had to say. We went into his office and he said we need you to be here Friday and Sunday at 7 am! Praise the Lord, He did miraculously provide a job for each of us! Friday and Sunday we both did housekeeping all day long, learned how hotels really clean the room you stay in. We also learned how to get a room pretty darn clean! Then Sunday we found out our schedule for the rest of the week! Kayla would be working housekeeping for the rest of the summer and I would be working waitstaff for the rest of the summer. Both of us humbled, semi-surprised, and extremely blessed with left feeling the extreme faithfulness of the Lord in providing for His children. He heard our hearts' cries and He was waiting patiently to show us His glory in sovereignly speaking even through non-believers. His hand truly has been in this calling and He has continued to show us His faithfulness daily.

We are surrounded by non-believers. We are surrounded by broken people desperately in need of a Savior. We are surrounded by people who live in the United States and have NEVER heard the Gospel before. We are surrounded by people who believe they don't need "religion" or a "savior." We are surrounded by people who serve themselves. We are surrounded by people longing for community. We are surrounded by people who daily trade the One true God for selfish fleeting idols that satisfy for a moment. We are surrounded by people who are aware of the coming death upon their body. We are surrounded by people whose tongues flatter the mind of the devil. We are surrounded by people who dishonestly serve the Home Ranch. We are surrounded by sinners. We are sinners.

Our sin is becoming more apparent in the darkness that so easily entangles us. Our sin is becoming more acceptable to us in comparison to those we are surrounded by. The sin we are entangled in and the sin we are surrounded by is rampant. It is vile. It is disgusting. It takes away our hearts desires, and fills our hearts with lies and deceit.

The sin is sour, our Savior is sweet.

We ask ourselves over and over again, daily, why don't see they see our Sweet Savior? Why don't they run to the Truth when they hear the Gospel for the first time? Why isn't the Gospel beautiful to them as it is to us? Why are we seen odd, weird, and maybe even to forward because we want to share the Good News with these lost souls?

If the world hates you, know that is has hated me before it hated you. John 15:18 And they do not hate us. They hate the Light. They hate the very thing that is calling them out of their shame and into eternal life. They hate Life because they live in death. They hate joy because they live in perpetual momentary satisfactions. They hate being offered a way out of their sin.
They hate knowing they are sinful, wicked, unworthy creatures.
We hate knowing we are sinful, wicked, unworthy creatures, but we know by the grace of God He has called us out of our sinful, wicked, unworthy lives and has called us into eternal life. And this is why we speak. This is why even when we know they hate what we say, we still speak the of the righteousness the Lord has given to us for His own glory.

"I have not hidden your deliverance within my heart; I have spoken of your faithfulness and your salvation; I have not concealed your steadfast love and your faithfulness from the great congregation." Psalm 40:10

We are faithfully praying for deliverance of one soul this summer. We are praying this one soul's name shall be called by the Lord. That this one soul may be brought into repentance and sanctification by the blood of the Lamb. We are praying this soul may be baptized by the Spirit into Truth and faith in Jesus Christ. We are faithfully praying this one soul may be delivered from her brokenness, her lost and confused mind. and that she may see the joy and hope that is found in knowing Jesus Christ as her Lord and Savior. We are blessed to call her friend, to have spent joyful life-giving moments with her, but we long to call her sister. We wait patiently for the day she falls on her knees before the King of Kings and Lord of Lords and recognizes Him to be her only escape. And for this we pray without ceasing for our lost coworkers, our boss, and our sisters and brothers who are laboring in Clark, Colorado with us.

"Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time He may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on Him, because He cares for you. Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experience by your brotherhood throughout the world." 1 Peter 5:6-9

In this constant tribulation and trial, surrounded by lost and unbelieving people the Lord has continued to call my name. I have not been restored, revived, and healed completely of this burden which has been fixed on my wicked mind in losing Ella Grace, however as my brother and co-laborer in Christ told me, i have to focus on the fact that Christ has healed me from eternal damnation, the ultimate and only healing that is eternal. I must be quick to fall to my knees by the grace of God remembering what He has done in His faithfulness for a lost heart and a wicked mind, a wretched soul. And so despite it being hard to hear His voice, despite it being hard to feel Him near, I have continued fighting the good fight, longing for the day He heals me and revives me. It may not be tomorrow, it may not be in two months, and it may not even be in 40 years, but I know I will be restored to perfection, healing, and complete revival the day the Lord chooses to take me home.

"For you yourselves are fully aware that the day of the Lord will come like a thief in the night. While people are saying, "there is peace and security," then sudden destruction will come upon them as labor pains come upon a pregnant woman, and they will not escape. But you are not in darkness, brothers, for that day to surprise you like a thief. For you are all CHILDREN OF LIGHT, children of the DAY. We are not of the night or of the darkness. So then let us not sleep, as others do, but let us keep awake and be sober. For those who sleep, sleep at night, and those who get drunk, are drunk at night. But since we belong to the day, let us be sober having put on the breastplate of faith and love, and for a helmet the hope of slavtion. For God has not destined us for wrath, but to obtain salvation through our Lord Jesus Christ, who died for us so that whether we are awake or asleep we might live with him. Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing." 1 Thessalonians 5:1-11

Kayla and I hiking up Hahn's Peak

the trail up Hahn's peak

Sunset from our neighborhood

Neighborhood driveway sunset

sweet sister leaves me the kindest notes, blessed to be living with her this summer

View from mountain in town

Kayla and I plus our coworker Lindsey

Colorado Wildflower

top of Hahn's peak lookout!

we found snow left from the spring while hiking up Hahn's peak!

Receiving Letters this summer from a very special brother! Plus now you all have my address send me letters, I really enjoy them!

Friday, June 1, 2012

To the Land I will Show You

A fruitful Land: sharing the Gospel among the Hawaiians


Now the Lord said to Abram, "Go from your country and your kindred and your father's house to the land that I will show you. And I will make of you a great nation, and I will bless you and make your name great, so that you will be a blessing. I will bless those who bless you, and him who dishonors you I will curse, and in you all the families of the earth shall be blessed." (Genesis 12:1-3 ESV)


Here's a little history of my great great great grandfather just to get the story sort of planned out in your mind:


Elias Bond was born in Hallowell, Maine on August 19, 1813. He graduated from Bowdoin College in Maine in 1837, and from Bangor Theological Seminary in 1840. He married Ellen Mariner Howell September 29, 1840 in Hallowell, Maine and was ordained the following day.  

The Bonds sailed on the ship Gloucester from Boston November 14, 1840 with the Ninth Company from the American Board of Commissioners for Foreign Missions. The ship arrived in Honolulu in May 1841 just six months after leaving Boston. They were assigned a remote outpost on the northern coast of Hawaii island, in the district known as Kohala. The Bonds had 15 children born in Hawaii (but 4 were miscarried, 2 died in infancy, and only 9 lived to adulthood, and only five had children). We are descendants from William Lee Bond son of Elias Bond.


And just as the Lord told Abram He also told Elias and Ellen in 1840 to go the land He would show them.


As I walked upon the land my great grandfather walked and preached on there was a sense I felt that it was extraordinary. I felt as if truly I could be understood by one of my family members. I imagine if Elias was still alive how well we would get a long and how quickly I would come live in this country learning underneath him and just soaking in all of the wisdom we all know he had. I can imagine all 9 of his little children siting on the edge of the porch of their beautiful home and asking him all of their million questions about God and about why they live in Hawaii. I imagine all the adorable hawaiian children coming up to the fence peeking over and seeing the adorable little Bond children playing in the yard. And I see the bond children yelling to them in Hawaiian asking them if they wanted to play. I see Father Bond inviting anybody and everybody into their house including any sailors or short term visitors that just needed a place to stay for a day or two. I see Father Bond allowing them to stay on one account, he was allowed to share the gospel with them.


We are told the community adored Father Bond and loved him to the point of making him in charge of petty much everything in the community. I can only imagine the love father Elias Bond had for his children and for the Hawaiian people. And we know that the ministry the Lord called him to was successful because today many Hawaiians in the Kohala district are believers in Jesus Christ, and Christ-followers.


Then we flew to Honolulu and we were able to go to the original mission station for all of Hawaii. They gave us a tour of the homes and let us see the way the missionaries lived in the 1800s.

The room smelt just as it had been left in the 1800s. The floor solid wood all the way through had a tough strong feel to it as we walked from room to room. We heard countless stories about how each missionary family shared a room and how they would all cook for each other and worked as a greater Family unit. It was a perfect description to me of how the body of Christ works among a new people group. They all join together to pray and fast to meet and discuss the language. They labor together in relationships and form bonds with each other as sisters and brothers in Christ. They also took in orphans together as they had a special room in their house for those Hawaiian children who were orphaned, almost every day or two they would receive random travelers who just needed a place to stay for the night. The rumor is they were cry friendly and inviting missionaries, so much so that the Hawaiians brought them all of the vegetables and food they would need to cook. The rest of the stuff they didn't receive they grew in their own garden.


In each room they had a tiny bed just a little bigger than a twin bed. This is where the parents would sleep. The rest of the children would either sleep on mats on the floor or little trundle beds specifically built to fit under the larger bed. In one room they had a canopy bed and had a small hammock tied just above the parents where the newborn child would sleep so that the parents would not have to get out of bed to get the newborn. The missionaries were having children every year or two so they had to constantly continue adding beds to their rooms! Each of the missionary families understood that being a missionary is a life calling, that they would never live in abundance and would not always get the things they wanted. The lived simply, the way Christ lived. They obeyed the calling to live lives of sacrifice, not just monetarily but they had to sacrifice in every aspect of their lives. Most of the missnaries in the 1800s knew that when they left the states they may never see their families again.


As Adoniram Judson wrote to his future wife's father, so it is with most missionaries that lived in that day:


I have now to ask whether you can consent to part with your daughter early next spring, to see her no more in this world; whether you can consent to her departure for a heathen land, and her subjection to the hardships and sufferings of a missionary life; whether you can consent to her exposure to the dangers of the ocean; to the fatal influence of the southern climate of India; to every kind of want and distress; to degradation, insult, persecution, and perhaps a violent death? Can you consent to all this for the sake of Him who left his heavenly home, and died for her and for you; for the sake of perishing immortal souls; for the sake of Zion and the glory of God? Can you consent to all this in hope of soon meeting your daughter in the world of glory, with a crown of righteousness brightened by the acclamations of praise which shall redound to her Saviour from heathens saved, through her means, from eternal woe and despair? 

And so with a willing heart and mind we wait as the Lord calls us to attention and calls us to also sacrifice abundance in a day when to do so is to look like a fool. It isn't about being holier then thou, but to be willing at any point in your life to surrender the things you hold dear to your heart.


Lord may we as brothers and sisters in Christ be counted worthy to sacrifice for the sake of the lost in this world. And may you grant us extra strength and mercy for the day you do ask us to sacrifice all for the sake of the lost. Amen.






For my sister on her graduation day

I would not normally share something like this because it was written specifically for my sister, but there are other brothers and sisters her age that I think need to hear this word from the Lord as well. May His word lead and guide each of you in this next chapter of your lives. He is worthy. And may this word spoken for His glory bring those who He has called to read it to a better understanding of being a Christfollower.


To my brothers and sisters in Christ who have just graduated from high school:

Today My Beautiful Sister,


You leave the world of high school and you enter into a new and incredible season of your life in college. You enter into the world of 'live it up' and ' you only have once chance to live' and 'do it now while you can'. And everybody around you is supporting your adventurous soul longing to finally get out of the confines of your parents. They say, "break free!" and they urge you to get all of the partying out of your system in the four years you have left before entering the real world. The world calls your name Morgan. It says, "come live the life you have always wanted to live, come make rash decisions and fuel the satisfactions of your flesh. I can make you into something big. I will make you into the person you have always wanted people to think of you as. I will teach you how to get the world to love you, if not the whole world at least your college world, if not your college world at least your close friends. All you have to do is sign your soul to me. Walk away from that silly thing people in the south call, 'Christianity'. It won't make you famous, plus you didn't really believe all of those foolish things people told you growing up in church did you? Nobody else here believes those things, everybody left their religion at home where it is supposed to be. You can always go back to it later but for now let's just have fun!"


Jesus said to them, "If God were your Father, you would love me, for I came from God and I am here. I came not of my own accord, but he sent me. Why do you not understand what I say? It is because you cannot bear to hear my word. You are of your father the devil, and your will is to do your father's desires. He was a murderer from the beginning, and has nothing to do with the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks out of his own character, for he is a liar and the father of lies. (John 8:42-44 ESV) 

As soon as you walk across that stage you will sense a feeling of freedom. You will feel relieved and you will think that you can now take a break from being "uptight" but I urge you as I plea for your soul through the power of the Spirit that you will focus upon the cross this summer and feel the presence of the sweet spirit rejuvenating you and preparing you for this next season of your life. Satan is waiting for you to make a decision to trust him, while the Lord is beckoning you to follow Himself to a life of the fullness of His glorious presence. You can't imagine the things the Lord has planned for your life with Him, it is going to be wild it is going to be great it is going to be full of Him.


And so my prayer for you throughout the coming months is simple but it has a huge weight of the glory of God involved. You are being given the opportunity to participate in a Grand plan, a plan your heart could not even begin to imagine, and I urge you sister to wake up, pay attention, and watch the Lord's hand in your life.


May you oh God almighty make the supremacy of the Name of Jesus and the supremacy of the renown of Jesus be Morgan's sight be her savor be her satisfaction be her desire and be her trust. John Piper


Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect. (Romans 12:2 ESV)