Tuesday, October 25, 2011

why did I come out from the womb to see toil and sorrow?

The rough carpet seemed soft to my face as I was bowed in the presence of the Lord. THe candles lit the room just enough to read the Sacred Word I had been given, and the song was perfect to describe the longing of my heart. I believed for a minute that I was in Heaven, that nothing in the world could possibly take me away from this moment, and that I would live forever in His presence. I fell asleep in His presence lying on the rough carpet, and I was awakened to a terrible feeling. My neck ached, my arm was bent uncomfortably and I realized I was back into my sinful flesh. I felt as Jeremiah when he wrote, "why did I come out from the womb to see toil and sorrow, and spend my days in shame? (Jeremiah 20:18). I quickly remember the reason I was weeping and it brings me back to the very moment:


I was standing in front of 300 beautiful hungry faces handing them their daily bread. I was thanking the Lord for each one of their souls as they took the bread and thanked me. And as I looked at each one of them in the eyes, i saw something every single person should see once in their life. I saw hope. I saw a look on their faces that I was the only person in the world who could save them in that moment. I saw a look of desperation, of a longing deep within their tummies to have one piece of bread to eat. I saw anger. I saw these beautiful children pushing and shoving each other just to make sure they received their one piece of bread. I saw pain. I saw within each of their hearts a scar brutally placed on them by Satan himself. I saw shame. I saw how it was difficult for them to feel special enough to look me in the eyes, and how improbable it would be for them to actually hug me.


And the truth of all of these statements is the Truth of the Gospel. We long for that Hope, we long to be filled with True Food, we long for Redemption, we long to be taken away from our flesh, and we long ultimately to be wiped clean from the scar Satan has brutally placed on us, and we long to see the Lord as Isaiah saw him: "sitting upon a throne, high and lifted up; and the train of his robe filled the temple. Above him stood the seraphim. Each had six wings; with two he covered his face, and with two he covered his feet, and with two he flew. And one called to the other and said: 'Holy, holy, holy is the Lord of hosts; the WHOLE EARTH is FULL of His glory!" What Glory He longs for us to dwell in, in His Glory, and in HIs presence.


That is where we long to be. That is where I must go every day before returning to this place. The more I go away to His presence the less I want to come back, and the more He brings me back, giving me the unbelievable knowledge that someday I will be in His eternal presence. The battle between flesh and Spirit rages on, and on, and on.


And we continue asking the question, "why did I come out from the womb to see toil and sorrow?"


So that we may feel in us a longing for the Gospel to reach the sorrowful, and out of a response to knowing Jesus Christ, we will share this News with everybody. (more on this tomorrow en sha Allah).