Monday, September 12, 2011

From the World to the world.

Well I returned about 3 weeks ago from Jordan, at least physically returned. However I did not return spiritually until this evening. It’s impossible to understand for me why the Lord had all of this going on while I was attempting to return from the Middle East spiritually, but He has made one thing clear this evening, He is sovereign. He is worthy of praise even when we feel He is out of reach.

These past 3 weeks I can safely say have been the hardest 3 weeks I have ever had. I knew this summer would be hard, I just never expected the return to be the hardest part. I knew that people would expect me to be very happy and joyful from all that I experienced, but the truth is, the smile was a lie. The Enemy drew me into this lie just as he drew Eve into eating the apple. I believe I fooled many people too, and for this I am repentant. I can’t apologize enough in my own flesh for the way that I have told the stories from this summer, all I can do is ask for your forgiveness in the grace and mercy of Jesus Christ. Much attention has been pointed to me in the past 3 weeks and I have begged the Lord to take it away, but He placed me in this position not for people to see me, but for people to see Him. And so He took the joy away from me until I would humble myself and pray. I couldn’t seek Him whole-heartedly and seek what He would have me say, until I spoke to Him about where I was spiritually as I returned into normal routine. I traveled into a new world 3 weeks ago when I returned home, and I did not ask the Lord to prepare me for it. I prayed shortly, my prayers were not sincere. But now I sit in front of the cross, humbled and wondering why He has ever been so good to me. I am empty, yet He has made me full. I was dry yet He has poured water into my soul. I was lost yet He brought me Home. I was busy, and He cleared my schedule. NOw, I wonder why He would call me back into His heart so quickly. Why He didn’t let me fall further away, and the answer was right here in front of me in scripture. HE said to me so clearly, as if He was sitting right in front of me, “I remember the devotion of your youth, your love as a bride, how you followed me in the wilderness, to a land not sown. (Jeremiah 2:2)”. I sit here weeping because I can’t possibly understand how He does it. I can’t understand why He called me to go, I can’t understand why I am sitting here before Him, I can’t even understand why He is saying to me,

“my Love my Love stop turning away from me, remember how I sought you out of the wilderness, remember how I called you out of your sin, remember the life I have given you visions of, remember how you were prideful and I forgave you, remember how I sent my One and Only Son to the cross so that I can stand before you and say, Daughter, come to me, come to your Father, run to me.”

I chose sin. I chose evil, I chose the world. I chose hatred. I chose lies. I chose the Enemy, I chose to make myself beautiful for the world.


He said, “daughter, you are not who you were, you were created for much more. You were created to leave this world and be a citizen of Heaven. You were created to be held at a higher standard the enemy’s followers. You were created to be a Light. You were created to carry the Light of Jesus Christ into all of the world. you were chosen to walk in the wilderness, to walk on soil which has not been touched by the Gospel. You were chosen to see Jesus Christ on the cross bearing your sin. You were chosen to run from your sin, and to believe in forgiveness of all of your sins. You were chosen to believe in the sufficient grace I have given by sending my love, my Son to die on the cross for you. You were chosen to be a new creation. You were chosen to call the Spirit into your heart and hear Him loud and clear. You were chosen to tell the Lost of Jesus Christ. You were hand picked out of the pit of despair (Psalm 40:2)."

And I have spoken to you these words, these words that will never come back vain, I have spoken them that they may be true that my will, will be manifested perfectly in front of you,

“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you,

And before you were born I consecrated you,

I appointed you a prophet to the nations, “(Jeremiah 1:5)

But I said to Him, “Father, I cannot look at you I cannot speak to you or about you to anybody for I am not worthy, I have fallen short of your glory.”

But He said, “Yes daughter, you will never be who I am, you will never measure up to me, because I am and I always will be, but I have put my Spirit inside of you and I have called Him to move you, I have called Him to direct you in the power of my will. I have called Him to obey all that I have command Him to instruct you in, He follows my will and He leads you in that will.”

“Do not say I am only a youth, for to ALL TO WHOM I SEND YOU, YOU SHALL GO,


Do not be afraid of them, for I am with you to deliver you, declares the Lord.” (v. 6-8)

And in and for and through His Mercy, my brothers and sisters, I am humbled. I am humbled by the Truth of His word that will stand forever. I am ashamed of my attitude, I am ashamed that I would turn my head, ever so slightly from the Path He has created for my life. And I beg you all to humble yourselves before the Lord.I beg you to become ashamed, for the glory of God. I beg you to go into a room by yourself for 24 hours and sit and wonder at the Lord’s Being. I beg you to worship Him with everything in you no matter what the cost. I beg you to think of the Cost He paid, and how worthy He is of our entire lives, every single breath. Please don’t waste your breath. Each word is given to you as a gift to fall from your lips on the people around you, to encourage and rebuke, but more importantly to share the Gospel. What a gift, what an honor to stand before the Lord knowing He chose us.


There is therefore no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life has set YOU free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death. For God has done what the law, weakened by flesh, could not do. By sending His own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and for sin, he condemned sin in the flesh, in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk NOT ACCORDING to the flesh, but according to the SPIRT. For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh. But those who live according to the Spirit set their minds on the things of the Spirit. For to set the mind on the flesh Is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life, and peace. For the mind that is set on the flesh is hostile to God, for it does not submit to God’s law; indeed, it cannot. Those who are in the flesh cannot please God.

You however, are not in the flesh but in the SPIRIT, if in fact the Spirit of God dwells in you. Anyone who does not have the Spirit of Christ does not belong to Him. But if Christ is in you, although the body is dead because of sin, the Spirit is life, because of righteousness. If the spirit of Him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, He who raised Christ Jesus from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through His Spirit who dwells IN YOU. Romans 8:1-10


Thursday, September 1, 2011

Tell them I AM has sent you.

And then God spoke to me:

“I am who I am.

My sweet daughter, when you go around the world, say to my people, “I am has sent me to you.”

I went to the Dierks Bentley concert last night and he sang this song:

It's a long trip alone over sand and stone

That lie along the road that we all must travel down

So maybe you could walk with me a while

And maybe I could rest beneath your smile

Everybody stumbles sometimes and needs a hand to hold

'Cause it's a long trip alone

It's a short piece of time but just enough to find

A little peace of mind under the sun somewhere

So maybe you could walk with me a while

And maybe I could rest beneath your smile

You know we can't afford to let one moment pass us by

'Cause it's a short piece of time

And I don't know where I'd be without you here

'Cause I'm not really me without you there

Yea Yeah

Hallelujah hallelujah oh

So maybe you could walk with me a while

Maybe I could rest beneath your smile

Everybody stumbles sometimes and needs a hand to hold

So maybe you could walk with me a while

Maybe I could rest beneath your smile

Maybe I could feel right beside you 'til I'm home

'Cause it's a long trip alone;

It seemed so perfect to describe how this summer feels for me now. It also reminded me of how imperative it was for me to write a blog updating everybody on what happened towards the end of my trip.

To be honest I have not processed all of the information in my brain, I am still attempting to sort out some details, and hear what the Lord has to say. I have been incredibly blessed to be home with my family, and to be able to sit and chat with my friends, but this has also been a burden because I have failed to set aside enough time with the Lord to debrief on this summer. It is hard to put together words to even finish off how my summer ended. In all I must say that it was a huge learning point in my life. The Lord revealed more to me this summer then He ever has in the past. And the quieter He started speaking the louder I heard His voice. It was such an unbelievable blessing to experience all that I did this summer, but it is important for me to remember more then anything that I did not go for the experience.

I went because the Lord told me to go. I went because He asked me to step out of my comfort zone for 3 months and go across the world by myself. However I wasn’t by myself:

We walked over sand and stone, we walked through the desert, we walked through some of the worst impoverished areas in Uganda, we heard heart wrenching crying from starving children, we fed starving children and watched them praise Jesus, we did a bible study with 40 young girls teaching them about sexual immorality, we filmed the lives of children in Kabalagala, we saw the devil attack, we saw deeply rooted knots created by the sin of man, we saw the Lord untangle those knots, we saw many girls come to understand the importance of protecting themselves, we met a girl named Shaamira who stole our heart, we met a girl named Irene who is suffering from AIDS and we loved on her as Jesus loves on us, we played games with 300 children, we painted a mural on a wall, we fed 200 people, we preached the gospel to 60 women who sell their children to the witch doctor and into prostitution, we preached the gospel to thirsty women, we encouraged a young man to continue in the fight he is fighting in Kabalagala, Uganda, we made hundreds of people aware of the need in Uganda, we had a quiet time with the Lord in front of the tomb where Jesus rose from the dead, we stood in front of the mountain where Jesus was tempted by Satan, we stood in the garden of Gethsemane where Jesus was arrested, we stood in the oldest city in the world and saw where the walls came tumbling down, we loved on a beautiful girl who doesn’t believe in God, we loved on an incredible guy from London, we loved on two beautiful Muslim girls from Amman, we loved on an amazing man of Allah, we loved on a humble family in the Middle East, we learned a new langugage, we learned a new culture, we were fed by an amazing young woman whose knowledge of the Lord astounds me, we walked around the supposedly “most unsafe place in the world”, and we were UNSCATHED, we shined a light that could not possibly be manufactured, and we spread the Gospel to the ends of the earth. But more then all of this, we realized we cannot do ANYTHING. None of these things described could have happened to me, if it were not for the presence of the Holy Spirit in me, and I could not have done all of this without the body of Christ at home supporting me in prayer. And this is the reason I say, “we”. It was not only ME going overseas, it was every single one of you who decided to support me in prayer. It was the body of Christ moving into the deepest darkest places in the world, only to find that God has been moving in those places without our help.

The evidence of this summer is the evidence of our sweet Savior living inside of me, drawing me to do things I never thought I would do. The evidence is the possibility of believing in an endless love of our eternal Savior and relying on this love to give you peace in the most difficult of trials, in the most difficult of places. The evidence is in believing that He is worth giving our lives to. The evidence we will find when we realize we are citizens of Heaven. With this knowledge we live and breathe to tell of the goodness of our Savior. We do not deserve this humbling life, but it has been ENTRUSTED to us.

Who is this Father? Who is He to call a 21 year old all the way across the world “seemingly alone”? Who is He to place somebody in the midst of a spiritual warfare that could never be described? Who is He to allow suffering? Who is He allow us to be His followers?

He is “I am.”

That is what we know for now. We know that He is the I am that leads us in the path of Everlasting freedom. He is the I Am the Father, who cares more for His children then we can imagine. He is the I am, the Lord of Heaven and of Earth. He is the I am that overpowers the enemy. He is the I am that REIGNS. He is the I am, the King. He is the I am that cannot be contained. He is the I am that cannot possibly be placed in the box of a human word. He is the I am who is the God that calls us to live a life of obedience, not because of legalistic reasons, but because we love Him, and we would like nothing more then to sbow at His feet and allow Him to direct our footsteps.

He is I AM.

And then God spoke to me, “I am who I am.”

My sweet daughter, when you go around the world, say to my people, “I am has sent me to you.”

He is calling us Home. Home is Heaven. He is calling us to live on earth as we would live in Heaven. What does He require of you? Nothing. He would only ask that you love Him with your whole heart and seek Him without looking back.

I can’t say that the past 3 months were easy, they were probably the most difficult months I have ever had in my life, but I will tell you that I have never felt closer to God, then these past 3 months. The stories the Lord has given me to tell are endless, but if you would like to learn more about where the Lord took me this summer, and what He was doing, feel free to facebook message me or email me at: ( I would love to answer any of your questions!)

The verse that drove my whole summer:

“So, being affectionately desirous of you, we were ready to share with you not only the gospel of God but also our own selves, because you had become very dear to us.” 1 Thessalonians 2:8

Sing to God, sing praises to His name; lift up a song to Him who rides through the deserts; His name is the Lord; exult before Him!” Psalm 68:4

Thank you Father, for the most beautiful life I could ever imagine. Thank you for leading me to the ends of the world to experience the love you have for your people. THank you Lord for allowing me to be a part of your story. Thank you God for calling the people who surrounded me in prayer, to love you as they do. Thank you Father for each moment when I thought i was not going to be able to stay, and you stepped in and told me to go on. Thank you Father for the proof you gave me in my relationships with people that this summer was not in vain. Thank you for all of the fruit you are bearing in the places that I went, and thank you Father for sharing the Good News with the unreached. We worship you God. We bow to you. We honor you. We love you. Our peace is found in you, and we receive rest in the shadow of you, our Almighty God. To you be all honor, glory, and praise, forever. Amen.