Tuesday, April 20, 2010

SpiritUal RoommATes

My burdens and worries outnumber my joys and blessings, although I know my burdens are few and my joys are unending!

Tonight I got home from turning in my application to UAB for nursing school, and I became a little more excited, except I am still unsure of what God is calling me to do. The whole day reminded me so much of why I LOVE birmingham so much!

Anyways I came home/back to auburn and sat on my couch to start studying for my anatomy test on friday, I got through 7 pages of terms which I think was God just reminding me that I will be able to learn them, because right after i just stopped, and really felt the need to spend time with Him. I came upstairs and just sat on my bed thinking. Just sat there for a good few minutes letting my mind wander every way that it wanted, but it kept on ending back at humility and love. We show humility to the people we love the most. I don't believe I have ever been spiritually connected to someone as closely as I am to my roommate Leslie. Every time I am around her it brings out the positive in me, except when i know God has given me something to tell her and I am nervous to tell her. I am honest with her because spiritually we both know it doesn't matter what we hide because God still knows it all. A roommate that is perfect is so hard to find, because there IS NOT ONE WORLDLY ROOMMATE that is perfect. BUTTTT there are SPIRITUAL ROOMMATES that are perfect! Just like I know God designed for us to be together this year, and possibly in the future, I know the reason He put us together is because we both had growing and encouraging to be done. Being spiritually connected to someone is far beyond any worldly relationship that we can "try to form," because we are connected by the mutual adoption we have been given by our Father. We have the SAME FATHER, and therefore it doesn't matter if we sit here and tell each other everything because we are really just giggling and laughing, crying, and weeping with our Father. The strength in this household iS SOOO Strong, that I know we have been protected from so many outside evils trying to make its way in. Leslie has taught me so much about myself, she has taught me humility in the eyes of God, love through fire, and strength through the valley. The Spirit inside of her has a strong strong will, and HE IS NOT EMBARRASSED OR SHY to say anything. She admits when she is in the wrong, and doesn't let one wrong go without learning from her mistake, and coming out a lot stronger than she was before. Her will-power has to come from Him because I dont know how else she would have made it through everything she has been through. She has the strength to make it and it is a strength undeniable to anyone who feels it. People fear it, but Christians cling to it. I am just so excited to see His grand plan that He has for Leslie, all work out in the end. I know that He is just bursting at His seams to just let her have a glimpse of what He is going to do in her life, but it is better for her to not know right now. Leslie is my worldly/physical room-mate, but more importantly we have bonded on a spiritual level, making ourselves sisters in Christ, but spiritually bonded by the connection/realization of the Holy Spirit's desire to work in our lives. he has become our everything, our everything, so much of our everything that it is okay for us to fall down on our knees in the middle of our floor. IT doesn't matter to me where she has been, or where she is going, I unconditionally love her, because i know she is purely taking care of The precious blood of Jesus living inside of her. I know she cares as deeply as I do, to humbly walk in accordance to God's will. I know that she will step by step, walk in the footsteps of our Lord, to faithfully carry out His plan for her life. I unconditionally love my spiritual roommate because we have bonded on a level WAYY WAYYY WAYYYYY Higher, and greater, and stronger, than anything this world could form. We are spiritual roommates FOREVER!

"For where two or three are gathered together in y name, there am I in the MIDST of them." Matthew 18:20

This entire semester has been an entertainment of God within our house, with the angels gathering around to protect us from evil.

And ALL I CAN DO, ALL I CAN DO, is bring worship and Praise to Him, for He was the one who divinely appointed our adoption into His household.

ThE moon.

iT is so hard to notice the sunrise when all you see is the sunset all the time. A little while ago when i was in the library till early in the morning I was "up" to see the sunrise. Then, when leslie and i drove to the airport we were able to see the sunrsie again.There is soo much more to a sunrise to me then there is to a sunset, simply because of how many less people get to see the sunrise. When you are up at 5:30/6:00 in the morning you feel like nobody else is awake, and the sunrise is between you and God. There is so much peace about the sunrise, as the world is awakening, you are opening your eyes to see the first LIGHT of the day. THis is God's first opportunity for the new 24 hours to shine as bright and brighter than the sun.

My dad has this shirt that says,"be like the moon, reflect the Son" and it took me forever to actually get the shirt, but it is so cool when you actually think about it. THe world is the darkness, Satan living on the earth consuming people's minds, and leading humanity exactly where he wants them, but the moon still shines in the darkness. The sun is not allowed to shine at night, BUT the sun can be reflected off of the moon to still shine in the darkness. So really, if we are like the moon, we are reflecting God/the Son's light in the darkness/the world. So when we wake up in the morning and see the sun rise, God is having His first opportunity to directly shine His light. NO WONDER SUNRISES are so much more peaceful, because GOd is bringing His light through the darkness to make sure we know that as we wake up, there is peace. And sunsets, as we go to sleep, there is peace by the reflection of the moon.

Saturday, April 17, 2010

God's will for my life

I was driving home from Auburn for Easter weekend, and I was coming home on wednesday because I was in a bad mood from staying up all night to study for my anatomy test that i didn't care about. As I was driving home I had some serious worship time with God, i could sing as loud as I wanted to because I knew nobody was listening. But through all of the worshipping I wanted to give Him I knew I was coming home to a letter that told me whether or not I got into nursing school or not at Auburn.

I have been questioning His will for my life for a long time now and have gone back and forth thinking about what my talents are (art, creativity, computers, graphic design and editing) and what my random desires (nursing and seminary) are. Its so hard to be able to tell which one God is calling me to listen to...what I want to do because of my talents or what He wants me to do because of my desire? Whenever I have to study for hours upon hours for anatomy tests and do not get the grade to show it...i feel defeated...i feel as if He is pointing me away from nursing. So anyways....I was pulling on to my street and once I was turning right on to it God told me, "stop Lauren. Take a deep breath. You didn't get into Auburn, but don't worry, I have such a great plan for you life that you could never even dream of. You have to stay strong for the other girls who didn't get in. Don't resent the girls who did get in because I have a great plan for them too. Take a deep breath." Of course, I listened, and after taking a few deep breaths an overwhelming peace and assurance came over me as I continued to pull into my driveway. Of course, He was right. I had received the letter that said I didn't get into nursing school at Auburn. I knew immediately this would be a time of suffering for me, not because I didn't get in, but the effects of me not getting in, my family members saying sorry, friends avoiding the subject not to hurt my feelings, people giving/trying to find excuses why I didn't get in. But through it all I had to stand firm on the promise that He gave me, that He has a much greater plan for me! So it came, the time for me to question what I would say. All my friends were finding out they got in and it wasn't hard for me, I REJOICED with them because like he said, "I have a great plan for them too." How could I be mad at God's will for their lives? It isn't about my strength, it is about the peace He gave me that He knew I would need for this time.

The more difficult thing was not having the assurance of nursing school at auburn if all else failed.

I officially know what it is like to have ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHAT I AM GOING TO DO WITH MY LIFE.

and it sucks. I can't lie about it. The Spirit inside of me is the only thing that gives me hope and reminds me of the promise He made to me. But when i am not acknowledging and willing allowing the Holy Spirit to occupy my mind, that is when it started to hurt thinking all my friends new exactly what they were doing.

But now.....thinking about it....i wonder how many of my friends have obediently prayed about their occupation and have felt God calling them to one particular area? See, now I am in an incredible position, because there is nothing inside of me pulling me one way more than the other (nursing vs. theology vs. graphic design vs. missionary training school) I feel called EQUALLY....which even though right now I don't know what I am doing, this means God has an open spot to step in and provide which ever way He wants me to go. I know without a shadow of a doubt that His purpose for my life will be made known to me soon. I do not doubt that I will be confused and impatient, I know that is what He is teaching me. While I am patiently waiting for Him to reveal something to me, I get to continue fighting for ONE THING and ONE THING ONLY, for my world, the people around me, to see and be encouraged because of the strength He has given me through this trial.

I am not heart-broken or lost from not getting into nursing school. I would be lost if I didn't know He had a MUCH GREATER PLAN for me. I can only pray knowing He will fulfill His will for my life, if I remain obedient and continue to serve even in my "suffering" if that's what we should call it?

I may look like a "failure" in the world's eyes, but I am not ashamed in believing that this is just the beginning of a ride I can't wait for because I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IS AHEAD OF ME!

"Behold, in this you are not right. I will answer you for God is greater than man. Why do you contend against him, saying, "he will answer none of man's words?" For God speaks in one way, and in two, though man does not always perceive it." Job 33:12-14

"And He iS BEFORE ALL THINGS" Col 1:17

"BELOVED, if our heart does not condemn us, we have confidence before God; and WHATEVER we ask we receive from him, because we keep his commandments and do what pleases Him." 1 John 3:21-22